Fodder of the Week: "Testes...1,2,3! Testes...!" - New Dads: Oozing Estrogen, and Loving It?

If you want to test a microphone you blow on it. If you want to test out a guy's manhood you hoof him hard in the nuts, wait to see how long it takes him to get up, then measure the number of steps he's able to take before falling back down again. That's the test of a true man... or is it fatherhood? Let's think about that... No, it's hoofing him in the nuts.

"WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF THAILAND ? BANGKOK! (click link for video)

So, there's this new article that came out the other day about testosterone and married men with kids not having any ("Testosterone Drop Helps Men Do Dad Duty: Study" - source: Yahoo Canada, September 2011).  I read it and thought: "Kids? What about those guy's walking through a mall carrying their wife's purse in one hand and her teacup Chihuahua in the other? They don't have kids?  What's their excuse?" So, it made me think: who comes up with these studies, and why is it everybody and their brother decided to post it on their Facebook "father" pages on the same day? I had a friend send this article to me yesterday, but before I even got a chance to read it there was this feeding frenzy on Facebook like I've never seen before. Apparently, in our new world, when a man's manhood is questioned he doesn't defend himself anymore, he simply "reposts" the article to all his female readers for comment. Ah, social networking...

But, back to the article/study in question: What made this "news?" Did it provide any new information? No. There was a study in 2002 that already covered this (http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/2002/09.19/01-testosterone.html), and it didn't attack married men with kids, per se- it attacked married men in general. In a nut shell, both studies "suggest" that there is an anthropological correlation between marriage and a drop in testosterone in men. Okay? But, it's not because our physiology changed to suit some male "nesting" gene to prepare us for having kids- it's because our marital status did!

Show me a married man, I'll show you a guy being fed foods high in estrogen (whether naturally or artificially added- it's all in the man boobs), a guy who watches more than his fair share of chic flicks, and a guy who after a mere three months will be able to tell you which of his wife's pumps go with her chartreuse dress. Now, fast forward a few years and show me a married man with kids- I'll show you a unic (with breasts). Who doesn't see the correlation in that!? Get married, your life changes, and so does the chemistry in both your body and your relationship. Get it?!? I don't think you do...

You throw a party for three hundred of your closest friends, pass out in a hotel room with the woman of your dreams, then wake up the next morning to a strange woman you don't know that suddenly demands that you change your eating, drinking, and dressing habits, your haircut, your bank account (joint of course), your living arrangements, and ultimately your entire lifestyle. Then, the next day she's asking you to buy a house for the 2 to 3 kids that you'll want to have back to back to back to get them out of the way, then there's a nanny, and programmes, and college funds... and you're probably laughing right now thinking I'm talking about my wife. I'm not- I'm talking about yours- and the scary part is you don't even know it yet. Your testosterone has been steadily declining from the day you got engaged- the day the hunter/gather in you started ordering take-out salads because your wife 'encouraged' you to do it for "health" reasons. Sad thing is nobody told YOU.

Did we really need someone to come up with a study on this?  Was it absolutely necessary to upset all the father bloggers by telling them they've gone through the equivalent of male menopause (which probably started in their mid-twenties)? Was it really necessary to spend thousands of dollars on a study that wasn't, well, necessary? Here, let me save the taxpayers some money...All those guys selling off their beat up Playboy mag collections on Craig'slist aren't doing it because their Moms told them too; they're doing it because, suddenly (sadly), reading the articles became more important than looking at the pictures (sorry, it happens to the best of us). 

So, yes. Married men, and especially married men with kids have a lower testosterone level than men of the same age that are single. Why? It's not because we had kids, if that's what you're thinking?  If you ask me, it's because we're smart enough to give our wives what they want so they'll "release us" to have fun a couple of times a week (i.e. we get to have more sex than you because our M.I.L.F. wives are horny as hell and deplete our reserves). But, it's just a theory. What do I know- it's two in the morning?

Hmmm? My daughter's asleep... maybe my wife's awake?

Ummm...Look at the time...? Ya. Gotta go...now...

(Lower Testosterone my ass!)