Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...


Your wife calls it a "Push Gift." You call it emotional blackmail, but you know better than to fight this particular battle. You can try to look at your significant other with a straight face and say, "but the baby's the only gift we need," but I don't suggest it. In her current state (the pain, the adrenaline, the pain killers) she's liable to chase you out of the delivery room, down the hall, out the front door of the hospital and well into the parking lot where she will catch up to you, knock your dumb ass down, smack your head against the pavement and beat you until you either pass out or come up with a gift worthy of  nine months of agonizing discomfort and several excruciating hours of what she refers to as: "the pain to end all pain" (i.e. labour).My suggestion: Don't argue. Just give her the damn gift. After what she just went through, give her what ever she damn well pleases.

Now, I'm not one to talk. When it comes to gift giving, I have a horrible track record. My wife gives me all the advance warning in the world and I still find a way to screw it up. Mind you, her habit of saying "surprise me" is of no help to me whatsoever, but it's not like I lack creativity. I just can't channel it into a great gift. I mean, I'm the guy who took his wife (girlfriend at the time) to choose her own engagement ring. I'm also the guy who bought his wife bath salts for her first, and so far only, Mother's Day. That's not to say I haven't come through with some great gifts, but my batting average really sucks. The key is to come through with a home run when it really counts. And right now, for you anyway, it's crunch time, and you better be swinging for the fences. So here are some great gift ideas for that special lady, to honour her, and thank her for giving you the best gift you will ever receive- another mouth to feed.

(Don't worry, I was smart enough to ask for help with this one).


This is a no-brainer, and it need not break your bank either. All you have to do is find the right combination of sentiment, class, cut, clarity, and carat, and you're home free. Anything heart shaped, or able to hold a tiny picture, or making reference to your child's birth date, or birth stone will work. And, if you're really smart, you'll take her Mom, her sister, or her best friend with you...but make sure to tell them your budget first.


No matter what you, or anybody else, tells her, after the ordeal of giving birth your wife is going to feel less than pretty. It could be some extra weight, or those granny panties she'll be wearing for the next few months, but it's perfectly normal for her to feel less than herself for many months to come. Add the possibility of a lack of sleep, and postpartum depression and you've got a walking time-bomb on your hands waiting to explode. So why not treat her to a spa day? Let her be pampered, and primped, and prodded by some attractive male masseuse with a foreign accent in serene surroundings while you take care of the baby and give her a well deserved rest from it all. It may not make her relax for long, and it certainly won't get her to ease up on you, but its worth a shot... a long one.


I know, it sounds weird, and permanent, but so is having a child. And your wife's already in pain, so really, what's the difference? I'm not saying you take her out to get it this second, but if your wife has suggested that she wants a tattoo to commemorate this momentous occasion, you can get the ball rolling by having someone come up with a mock-up of the artwork and book an appointment for a few weeks down the road. Just buy a card, put it with the artwork, and write how excited you are about it. And if you suggest matching tattoos, even better. But, remember, this only works if your wife is into this sort of thing. If not, try something else... fast.


What else do you get a woman who bitches that she has no clothes that fit her? Drop a couple hundred bucks, get a general coupon from your local mall, and set her free. That only drawback to this plan is that you'll be going along... to watch the baby and carry her bags. Have fun in all those shoe stores!

5. SUV:

Okay, this one takes some planning, but eventually she's going to convince you that you need a bigger car for the baby anyway so why not just get it for her under the guise of a gift and get it over with. Have it ordered for in and around her delivery date, and, if you're lucky, you'll be driving home from the hospital in it. Don't worry, it wont start guzzling gas for at least twelve months... when your wife will really be driving the sh*@ out of it, taking your kid to an assortment of classes, back and forth to daycare, and, hopefully, her full-time job.

Here's some websites that can help you find more great push gift suggestions. I really liked the one that said: "laser therapy." Nothing makes your wife feel more secure than the suggestion that the area she hasn't been able to see for some months might need 'cultivating.' Enjoy!:




  1. Mother's Day is coming up Adam... I'll give you a chance to make up for the bath salts from last year!... ;-) xoxo

  2. I found a perfect push present for my sister from Juno Lucina, it's absolutely beautiful, affordable, and super easy to buy. And most importantly, she LOVES it! Their website is http://www.jlucina.com for any new mommies or daddies out there looking :)