Sooner or later, the child that barely moved during the first few months of life slowly starts to strengthen once weak muscles and quickly becomes a force to be reckoned with. The child that could barely lift her head, or roll onto her back, soon masters the motor skills to rise to her knees and begin to crawl- the beginning of the end, as this soon leads to every parents worst nightmare: the walking child. It sneaks up on you- this new found streak of independence- and fight it as you might, you can't win. All you can do is prepare for battle. And battle you will...
LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLE....
The Main Event:
Spider Baby vs. Dim-witted Dad
Spider Baby- 20lb of lean muscle. Patented move- climbing the furniture and doing her best Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka impersonation.
Dim-witted Dad- 200+ lbs. of undigested lean ground beef (mostly hamburgers and Manwich). Patented move - the claw (more like the clutch, as he grabs his daughter's legs mid-air as she dives, head first, from the furniture).
Announcer: "There goes the bell. Spider baby and Dim-witted Dad move around the ring (a makeshift "cage" of ottomans, La-z-boys, and over sized stuffed animals). Dim-witted Dad gives chase as Spider Baby attempts to reach the turnbuckle and escape. He grabs an ankle, but she's too quick, and he loses her before she climbs the ropes (ottoman). She gets ready to pounce. He catches her mid-air, only to have her fall on top of him. Dazed, he doesn't hear the count...One... Two... He lifts his shoulder, rolling Spider Baby off into the corner. Unfazed, she makes her way to the ropes again, bounces off of them to roar back towards him for a clothesline... He uses her momentum, to pick her up, and (softly) body slam her onto her favorite pillow pet. He pins her down, but she grabs a loose turnbuckle (a plush rooster) and bashes him in head. She gets to the ropes. Dim-witted Dad gives chase, but it's too late- she climbs out of the cage (over the ottoman) and in to the safe arms of her tag team partner, Mom. Spider Baby shocks the world and takes the title! Dim-witted Dad waits to "fight" another day."
I always say, if you can't beat 'em (no really, there are laws against that), join 'em. Sooner or later, your little movers will outsmart you and overcome all obstacles (chairs, ottomans, couches, etc.) you put before them. Prepare yourself and plan for the day when your Spider Baby starts climbing the walls. After all, an ounce of prevention, is a pound (or 20lbs) of cure.
|"Whatcha gonna do when your child goes wild on you!?!"|
Remember: Safety first! Here's a list of websites to help you turn your house into the ultimate "cage" (safety zone), from which no child can escape (or reach into the knife drawer, or fall down the stairs, or jam their fingers into an electrical socket). It's time to take back the belt (the title belt- using that other kind of belt, that went out in the eighties).