LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND

LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND

Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...

TIME KEEPS ON TICKING... BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT A WATCH FOR FATHER'S DAY!: ONE MAN'S FIGHT TO RETIRE OUTDATED FATHER'S DAY GIFT IDEAS


With it being so close to Father's Day and all, I thought I'd talk about something that hasn't made sense to me... well, ever. As far as Father's Day (or any other occasion for that matter) goes, what's up with men asking for fancy watches as gifts? I don't get it. When I got married, my in-laws offered to buy me a watch as a kind of "thank-you" for taking their daughter off their hands, but I had a hard time biting my tongue on this one (I hated the idea) and so I asked: "why?" In this day and age, especially with everyone and his brother walking around with a cellphone with a digital clock built right in, why does anyone need a watch? It's as out-dated as, well, a wedding ring now that everybody can look up your status on facebook.

Sure, I get that a watch is just a piece of jewellery at this point...something flashy and expensive to show off to your co-workers at your next "big" meeting, but can't you just pull out your macbook instead? It's flashy. It's "hip." It's got the right price tag that tells people you're an up and comer. And, guess what- it also has a clock! And, it comes is an array of colors, and you can even get a fancy carry on bag ("koff"- purse) for it to match your shoes. Am I making fun of people that still enjoy a good time piece as a fashion statement- YES, I AM! It's technology that should have died with the Commodore 64 and the pinball machine. Next you're gonna tell me how vital it is to your ensemble that you carry an engraved Cross pen with your name on it. Why? You have a touch screen on your ipad?!?... How often do you need a friggin' pen??? Do you really need a fancy one to sign your Visa slip at your favorite over-priced restaurant so the waitress will think you're the sh@#? No. Because, one, you're married with a kid (or at least I am) even when you're entertaining clients, and two, if you think people think you're cool because you have an engraved pen that cost you a few hundred dollars, you're so uncool that nothing will ever help you overcome that.

What am I saying? Honestly, at the end of the day, I really don't want a watch or a pen or a tie clip or a silk tie or a wrack of silk ties and some tailored suits from Japan for Father's Day... I got enough of that sh@# at my bar-mitzvah. I didn't like it then, and I certainly don't care for it now. I'm more practical than that... Just give me a book of coupons to McDonalds so I can treat myself and my daughter to a Chocolate Milkshake every day for two weeks and we'll call it a wash...that and a day-long nap on a hammock in my backyard as someone else (preferably hot) does all the work around my house that I no longer have the time or the energy to do. Maybe in a few years from now when my blood-pressure goes down enough to golf, I'll ask for clubs, but I'm sure golf bags will have advanced enough by that time that I still won't need a watch... unless, of course, it's a fashion statement.

Father's Day is Sunday, June 19th, 2011. Here's what other men, like you, say they want from their wives (er, kids):

http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/canada/father-day
http://www.tiptoptens.com/2011/04/18/10-best-fathers-day-gift-ideas/
http://familyfun.go.com/fathers-day/fathers-day-crafts/ 
http://www.fathersdaygifts.org/

http://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Day-Gifts-Sale/b?ie=UTF8&node=502661011
http://www.zazzle.ca/funny+fathers+day+gifts
http://www.findgift.com/Holidays/Fathers-Day/
http://www.leadingedgegifts.com/uniquegifts/fathersdaygifts.shtml?gclid=CP2Jva3KmKkCFcW8KgodIhWnwQ

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