Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...

Behind Every Great Father... Is The Woman Who "Nudged" Him Into Having a Child

Yes. I said nudged. You might prefer the word "pushed" or "forced" or even "coerced," but the honest truth of the matter is unless the condom broke or you forgot to sheath your sword in the first place, you yourself made the conscious decision to have a child (with your partner), and nobody, with all the guilt trips in the world, could have forced you into it. Your wife merely made a suggestion, something like "I need a baby, NOW..." and you simply weighed the pros and cons (as you were removing your clothes) and decided now was as good a time as any to take a leap (onto the bed) and begin the process that would forever change your life.

Now, I won't argue the fact that there are many fathers that take the initial initiative to have a child- but I must assume these are cases of two dads in a committed relationship considering adoption. Otherwise, and I would say this is pretty much a known truth, no man agrees to have a child without some form of subliminal ("No baby, no sex") suggestion.

Show me a man with a biological clock, and I'll show you a woman slated for sexual re-assignment surgery (you can quote me on that). But, without the push toward having a child, where would you (by "you" I mean all the proud new papas) be? I don't know a single dad that wouldn't say his child is the best thing that ever happened to him (unless maybe Marvin Gaye's Dad, or Bing Crosby).

So whether you were nudged into it, or you walked in to it like someone was pushing you towards the edge of the plank, you know- had it not been for your wife- that you would just be some childless shlub with all the free time in the world to golf (sleep in) or collect wine (drink beer), or travel the world (drive to the corner without a baby in tow) in search of the best slice of pizza. And, how much fun would that be?

So, take a moment, look at your child, look at your wife, and, well, look at your life- it's not exactly how you planned it, but if you can tell me it hasn't been enriched by having a child you're either too selfish to recognize how awesome it is to be a dad or you just can't see the forest through the trees to realize this was the best "decision" you ever made.

So, again, take a moment, look at your wife (probably when she's asleep and not slagging you for forgetting to return the used baby bottles to the sink) and thank her for being the smarter of the two of you- realizing that her biological clock had a point and you weren't getting any younger. Thank her for the opportunity of becoming a dad and how you are a better person for it... But under no circumstance should you thank her so much that she thinks you'll be a pushover when it comes to discussing the possibility of having a second child anytime soon...

Ah, who are we kidding, if she really wants another kid, she'll just milk your prostate when your back is turned... it worked the first time!


  1. Great stuff. I dig your style, too. The Marvin Gaye line loosed a high-pitched giggle. Not quite sure what that says about me. Would love to exchange notes somehow, someway. Still fairly new to Blogger--where would I find your e-mail address?