It's not like I did it on purpose. Sometimes I forget that my daughter's mind is a sponge absorbing everything around her. She took a nap, so I decided to watch a movie on the tube. Problem is she woke up and I forgot to change the channel. Actually, she woke up, I forgot to change the channel but decided to film her playing happily on the floor in front of the TV. Well, the real truth is, she woke up, I forgot to change the channel, I decided to film her playing in front of the TV, and then I showed it to my wife... who loved being able to see what went on while she was away for a few hours (not). It's not like my wife has never done this herself. It happens. She just didn't tape herself doing it. And, luckily, she watched the tape before loading it up on Facebook to show all her friends. Otherwise, it would have made me look like a bad parent... wait a minute... damn!....
So what did we learn from this experience? One, until my daughter is old enough to understand the difference between reality and make believe, some time in her early twenties, when I tell her to get a job or get out of my house, I will be watching television that is more suitable to her tastes. And, two, if I'm going to do something stupid that could possibly cause irreparable damage to my daughter's psyche (like subject her to "Barney") I shouldn't catch it on film (or digitize it if you will).
In my defense, I wasn't actually watching anything that was that bad, but the fact that I was watching something that warned me at each commercial that is was not suitable for young kids because of the violence, language and nudity, which could be heard several times, clearly on the tape, didn't really impress my wife.
So here's my list of the ten movies I will no longer be watching when they show up on my television set on Sunday afternoons. For various reasons, as you shall see, they are bad. Bad! Bad! Bad! But so good at the same time (like wrestling, and ultimate fighting, and boxing). Sigh...
Jaws: (1975, Horror/Thriller) If you ever plan on taking your child to the beach, or sending her to summer camp, or if you want to give her a bath ever again, don't let her watch this movie. I saw it for the first time in 1980 (I was six), and, needless to say, you won't catch me surfing in the ocean.
Alien: (1979, Science Fiction/Horror) If I were a kid watching this movie for the first time, I'll tell you right know, I'd think all those other kids, the ones who wanted to grow up and be astronauts, were f@#$ing crazy.
John Carpenter's "The Thing": (1982, Science Fiction/Horror) Just click on the link. You and your kid will never play with the dog again!
A Clockwork Orange: (1971, "Darkly Satirical" Science Fiction) I walked in on my eldest brother and his friends while they were watching this- when I was 8. You've read my stuff... how well did you think that turned out? Why couldn't they have just been watching something less harmful to my eight-year-old brain, like Flesh Gordon (Flesh, not Flash).
The Exorcist: (1973, Horror) Everyone who saw the original screening of this film threw up... Isn't the whole point to get your kid to stop doing that?
Poltergeist: (1982, Horror) This is the scene that freaked me out the most as a kid. If you want to scar your kids for life, have them use a public bathroom while describing the horrors of micro-organisms to them... but don't let them watch this!
American History X: (1998, Drama) Curb scene... need I say more?
RoboCop: (1987, Action/Sci-Fi) This is the uncut version. Extra bloody...
Kill Bill Volume 1: (2003, Action Thriller) You know a movie is bad for your kids when they have to switch to a black and white format during the big, bloody fight scene so as not to incur an X rating.
300: (2007, Action/Adventure) That's the minimum amount of people that die in this film- and not in a Branch Davidian, drift off to sleep kind of way. Is it scary?... Only if you're afraid of guys withskulls for faces and a Giant that chops people's heads off
Bonus: Rambo IV: (2008, Action/War) This movie scarred me for life with its horrible acting and bloody (I mean machine guns blowing people's arms off) ending. I can only imagine what it would do to my kid? He'd never respect Sylvester Stallone as an actor again!
Honorable Mention: Sin City (Marv's scenes especially) and Scarface (use of language, chainsaw scene).
Oh, and the movie I was watching... Who Framed Roger Rabbit?