Gentlemen, let's face it dads take a lot of flak over the fact that (through no evolutionary fault of our own) we can't give birth. We hear it all the time: “Men could never carry a baby for nine months.” “Men could never give birth.” “Men could never feel queasy for three to nine months straight and smile and say ‘it’s for a greater cause.’” Fine, it’s true, we concede the fact that not having a uterus or a vagina significantly limits our ability to have children, and we will never know the "agony" of childbirth, but it doesn't mean we're not sympathetic to your plight. We hear how much moms suffer through with the pregnancy, and the labor, and the birth. We know about the swelling, and the soreness, and the sitz baths, and, well, because you never stop telling us how much you do we would like to offer our services where they have never been given before. No, not pregnancy, or labor, and most certainly not birth- we'll let you keep that- we're talking breastfeeding. Because, guess what, we have nipples, and we’re not afraid to use them.
Ladies, we agree you shouldn't have to bear the brunt of the load anymore! And if science can come up with a way for a woman to go from a B cup to a 34FF, I’m sure we can figure out a way to implant some milk ducts, create a regimen of hormone injections and give us guys a chance to show that moms aren’t the only ones who can latch a baby to their breast... and complain about it.
|Image Courtesy of "Meet the Parents" (2000)|
What, you think that’s a bad idea? Why? Dads shouldn’t know the joys of breastfeeding? Dads shouldn’t know the struggles of being shunned for wanting to feed our children in public places? What women should be the only ones who should have to fight for their rights to whip out a breast in a restaurant? Women should be the only ones objectified by teenaged boys and dirty old men? Is that it? Why should you get to be the only ones to complain about these hardships? We have nipples? We want to take one for the team? What, you think just because we have chest hair we shouldn’t be allowed to take our breasts out in public and risk every restaurant in America being shut down as we contaminate every bowl of soup with strands of our DNA?
Oh? Wait, maybe this wasn’t well thought out?
I guess there's a reason why Nature chose moms after all? Moms, you’re doing a great job. Keep up the good work! We appreciate it.