Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...


Maybe it’s just me, but I believe there is a certain point in your life when you stop blaming your parents for all the stupid things that you do and instead take ownership of them. Nobody’s parents are perfect. We are, after all, fallible human beings raised by other fallible human beings. Your parents aren’t deities, they’re Bob and Brenda, Billy and Bunny, Marvin and Mitzi- just a couple of kids that got married, had kids and tried to figure it out from there. They didn’t have a roadmap. They didn’t have a playbook. They were just people trying to raise smaller people, and they did the best they could. So forgive them, and let’s move on…

But before you do, there is one thing I would like to say ALL parents CAN control- and that’s their time. Yes, if you haven’t learned already, parenting is all about time management, and kids don’t want to hear their parent’s sorry ass excuses about why they’re always late. In my mind, being late is a disease. It’s an illness. It’s a faulty state of mind that says you can’t prioritize the things that are most important to you, or worse you have no idea what is actually important to you and thus you neglect those who depend on you. I know it well. I have suffered at the hands of poor time managers, and it is my mission here to show those who can’t read a clock the error of their ways. 

True, I am the man I am today thanks to my upbringing. I am punctual, even early at times. I value the time of others. If I make appointments I don’t cancel at the last minute. When I teach, I show up…to each and every class. When I say I will return an email or a phone call at a certain time, I return it at that time. Why am I this way? Because I abhor people who are late, or don’t keep their promises, or talk out of their ass. I live by the Golden Rule- treat others as you would like to be treated. Don’t waste my time. Don’t make me wait for you in restaurants, or on your door step, just because you can’t get your act together. And don’t even think of making me wait for you if I have my kid in tow- because that’s where I draw the f@#king line. 

"You just left me here?"
 But what bothers me the most? Parents who forget their own f@#king kids- at school, at the dance studio, at the return bus from summer camp. And I’m not talking once or twice- which is not acceptable in my book- but all the f-ing time. As a kid who was left behind, and left behind often, let me give you a clue: you kid will NEVER get over this. Your kid will NEVER get over the fact that they had to watch as car after car picked up kid after kid in front of their school and you NEVER came. Your kid will NEVER get over the fact that an hour after every other kid was picked up, he was standing in the freezing cold wondering why nobody loved him. And your kid will most certainly NEVER get over the fact that they had to accept a ride home from the creepiest, smelliest teacher in their school, forced to hold their breath as they wedged themselves in to a tiny Toyota Tercel littered with empty McDonald’s take-out bags and other assorted science experiments. 

You call yourself a good parent because you’ve never physically or mentally abused your child? Well guess what, you’re the worst parent out there. Some people have real problems like drug or alcohol addiction; things that make it almost impossible for them to be reliable. You, you just can’t read a f@#king clock. Which do you think makes a kid feel worse? 

So, here’s what you’re going to do: First, you’re going to tell yourself that all of your appointments, those that involve your children especially, are an hour earlier than they actually are. Second, you’re going to tell yourself that picking your child up late from school, or band practice, or tutoring, is a heinous crime. And third, you’re going to stop making excuses and come to terms with the fact that you are a bad human being who is neglecting your responsibilities and psychologically damaging your children. And I don’t want to hear that you have too much on your plate or you were stuck in traffic or you’ve always been this way. It doesn’t cut it with me, and it most certainly will NOT cut it with your kids. 

You get one shot at raising happy, healthy, mentally stable children who won’t spend a lifetime resenting you for your shortcomings. Use this time wisely. You kids deserve to be your number one priority. Make it happen!!!

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  1. Very powerful post. It's great that you learned from mistakes your parents made and are not repeating them. That is a huge gift to your children.

  2. Good post Adam, I agree with you on many of the points. It's sad that parents don't give their kids priority when scheduling things. And I too don't like to hear parents try to blame their lack of timeliness for their kids on excuses. They CHOSE to be late in most cases. No one held a gun to their head at the office or while they were on the phone too long... they chose to NOT give their child priority.