I was forwarded an article from a female friend the other day, and, after reading it, I thought to myself "sure, this is sweet, but it's not an entirely accurate depiction of the pregnancy experience," at least not for new dads. I did promise her I would post it, and I am a man of my word, but I didn't say anything about not poking fun at it. So, here's the article: http://www.parenting.com/gallery/husbands-food-art-for-pregnant-wife-on-bed-rest? Its sweet, its sappy, its the fantasy of every woman who ever turned her uterus in to an easy bake oven, but its not what I would call the "the norm."
For starters, this woman was on nine weeks of bed rest, and she suffered from numerous ailments brought on by her pregnancy. She was frail, feeble and as helpless as a kitten. Her dietary restrictions were such that her husband was mandated to make her the same meal day in and day out, and he came out looking like a hero because he made her breakfast look like smiley faces every day? Well isn't that special. If my pregnant wife was on bed rest for nine weeks, unable to get out of bed, and I was only being asked to bring her the exact same meal day in and day out, I'd be making smiley faces out of her food too, just to keep myself from poking my eye out with a steak knife from boredom. Smiley faces? This guy had nine weeks? People graduate from the Cordon Bleu in nine weeks? And all he could come up with is smiley faces? Wow. Isn't that creative...
Personally, I can't believe this guy had an article written about him. It sounds like he got off easy. All he had to do was make her the same freakin' meal all the time and then walk it upstairs while every other guy in the world with a pregnant wife is running around from store to store looking for his wife's favorite "flavour" of the minute. He gets to make a meal his wife is certain to eat while you're cooking a meal your wife is most likely to fling back at you from across the room. He gets to make smiley faces out of eggs and toast; you get to make one entree after another hoping you hit on one that doesn't make your wife want to puke. Where's your medal? No one's writing an article about the number of times you had to run around to five different convenience stores to find the specific brand of banana Popsicles your wife was craving. No one's writing an article about the number of times you spent combing the city for pickle flavoured pork rinds, or pigs feet, or hogs head cheese (your wife's disgusting daily delicacy of choice). And they wrote an article about THIS guy? That's an insult!
True. This guy clearly loves his wife. I mean, after all, he made smiley faces. But, you, you're a horrible husband because you can't seem to figure out what's on your pregnant, hormonal wife's mind from one minute to the next: Is it pickles? Is it ice cream? Is it an entire uncooked side of beef? This guy gets to come off looking like a Renaissance man with his "food art" while you run around town looking like Fred Flintstone - forgive my french, but that's bull$@#t.
Talk about a travesty of justice. If this is what they're selling pregnant women on these days, the rest of us new dads don't stand a chance. How do we compete with the romance novel this article attempts to create?
"He brought her her smiley-faced eggs and toast on a gold and diamond encrusted platter. She put down her copy of Red Book to look up at him. He smiled, his chiseled features melting her heart as he leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. She sighed, as he said in a deep, manly voice: "Your Dinner is served!""
Give me a break.
Gentlemen, if you want a realistic depiction of what it's really like to service the nutritional needs of a pregnant woman, day in and day out for nine weeks, just watch this video. It's about as close to the "real" experience as you will ever get: