Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...

Fodder Up!: Part VII - First Aid Part II - Broken Skin, Bandaids, and Brushing Up on Your Bedside Manner

Website Link for Image Origin

It's no secret why most babies cry for their mommies when they hurt themselves. It's because their fathers are big, fat (not literally), fumbling oafs (or so their wives say) when it comes to the careful execution of first aid. Truth is most New Dads have the bedside manner of a proctologist- they want to get in and out of there as fast as possible so they can go back to whatever they were doing before the "accident" in question occurred. They think handling a boo boo is merely treating the physical symptoms (covering up the cut or the scrape or the sliver) not realizing that the more important thing to do is to address the psychological distress that accompanies such an event. Well, we don't tolerate your turn and cough approach around here. It's time to Fodder Up! Today's lesson - First Aid Part II - or what we like to call, "Boo Boo 101."


Here's the deal, we know you're not an insensitive bastard who merely wants to cover up your kids minor scrapes, cut and abrasions and send them on their merry way, but if you're like most guys, you're not the most skilled practitioner of the fine art of first-aid. It's a finesse thing that most guys don't have without some concerted effort. The problem is your kid doesn't have time to wait while you fumble around trying to find the Polysporin or the hydrogen peroxide, and the louder they scream, the more fearful you'll get, and they can smell it. So, let's try to avoid this, shall we.

The first thing you're gonna need is a first-aid kit. You want one that covers a wide range of scenarios, so now's not the time to be cheap. Get a good one, and keep it well stocked, and close at hand. Here's what it should have:
Second, you need to know the basics:
Cuts and Scrapes:
Electric Shock:
Bee String:
Dog Bites:
Black Eye: 

For more first aid basics, may we suggest:
Thirdly, you'll need a little sensitivity training. But, not surprisingly, it was a bit hard to find a website to teach you this (to first-time dads) on the Internet, so here goes. Repeat after me:

  1. Be Sincere: "Oh, (insert your nickname for child)! I am so sorry. Let me see that..."
  2. Be Confident: "Please don't cry. I will fix that right up for you. That's what Daddy's are for."
  3. Be Brave: "Wow. That's some (cut, burn, black eye). But nothing we can't handle together."
  4. Phrase in the form of a question:"Can we (suggest next step - i.e. running a finger under water) to (clean, wash, fix up) the boo boo?
  5. Tell the Truth: "This may sting... can we be brave together? 1-2-3...." 
  6. Be Supportive: "See, we have (Dora/ Spiderman/ Spongebob) Band-aids... Daddy's gonna wear one, and your (favorite toy) will wear one too."
  7. Be a Hero: "See that wasn't so bad? Who is the best Daddy in the world? Now, let me kiss it all better for you...."
And that's how it's done. If you can get through that and actually mean it, and not sound like a robot, I've done my job. If you're the kind of guy who can't handle a little blood, won't take the time to learn a little first aid, or thinks this is strictly a job for the mother of your child, please do the rest of us a favor and turn in your fatherhood decoder ring... it's not like it's going to help you get a clue.

Disclaimer: Again, I would like to point out that I am not a practicing medical professional, nor do I play one on TV. The information provided in this article is not the advice of a medical professional and should an emergency arise you are strongly advised to call a doctor (preferably yours). Fodder 4 Fathers will not be liable for any misinformation provided by third party links, and has merely provided a research service to its readers and will not be held responsible for how they choose to interpret and/or use said information.

No comments:

Post a Comment