(Spoken as Mr. Rogers)
"Hello boys and girls. Today I would like to talk to you about something that has me quite perplexed. No, not the careers of Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Love Hewitt... I'm sure God has his reasons for punishing us. No, I'm talking about On-Line Parenting Magazines. You know, the ones that talk about "Parents" but all they ever really make reference to are the problems of "mothers?" Are you hearing me children? These motherf@#$%^* are claiming to be equal opportunity, but all they really care about is bitching about how hard it is to be a mom. What, dads don't have things to complain about? F@#k, I don't even have kids and I'm running around talking to puppets and entertaining your kids for an hour everyday just so you can plop them in front of the TV long enough to go yammer on the phone with your girlfriends about how hard it is to be a Mom... But at least you have friends. You don't even let your husbands out of the house long enough to get the freaking morning paper, let alone have friends. Look at me, I have to stick my hand up a puppets a$$ to get it to talk to me. Most of the time I find myself alone, dressed only in a sweater and running shoes, talking to myself in the mirror going, "Are you talking to me? There's nobody else here? Are YOU talking to ME?" But I digress...
Children, On-line Parenting Magazines are a sham (aside: I think he said "shame," but who can tell with his accent). Well, maybe not a sham, but a travesty of justice! If you're going to exclude fathers and call yourself a parenting magazine, why not just come right out and say what you really mean. C'mon, you know you want to... SAY IT!: "Women do all the work, so women get all the attention!"
Is that right? All the work, or just 95% of it? What's the split there mom - 75/25...? 60/40? Um, hmmm. And, um, who's watching the kids while Victor Newman is trying to do a corporate takeover of Jabot? Yah, I thought so! Your loving, undervalued, and under appreciated husband. All he has to read is Maxim and Playboy and Marvel Comic books, but you, you get the good stuff - the On-line Parenting Magazines. It hardly seems fair, and it irks me to no end! It's bull I tell you. Capital B.U.L.L. with a whole bunch of C.R.A. P. on the side. Calling one of these mom focused rags a "Parenting" magazine is almost as ridiculous as calling Playgirl a "women's" magazine.
Now children, I'm going to go back inside and take off my sweater and running shoes, and I'm going to get changed back into my street clothes, and go outside and clear my head for a few minutes. But, when I come back, I don't want to hear any more B.S. about these parenting magazines being for parents when you and I both know they are designed exclusively for moms... with dads as an after thought. You hear me? I'm mad. Really, really, mad. And the only thing that's going to calm me down is the truth!... But, since we won't be getting that anytime soon... who wants to go to the ice cream parlour? Tutti Frutti for everyone! Yay!"
Make sure to come back next week when we ask Pee Wee Herman for his take on whether or not husbands need their wives permission to go to strip clubs...
Disclaimer: This has been a dramatization. It was in no way meant to tarnish the reputation of a well-known and greatly admired children's educator and entertainer with a fetish for cardigans and comfortable footwear. May he rest in peace.
In actual fact, this blog post is in answer to the question: How do we get Dads more involved in their children's lives...? Well, not marginalizing them in the magazines that are supposed to help them, and educate them is a start. Don't you think?