Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...

Victoria's Other Secret: Where to Shop When Your Wife Complains She Has Nothing to Wear

It happens around a week or so after you arrive home from the hospital. Her maternity clothes no longer fit and your wife starts to freak out because she doesn't fit in to any of her clothing. You can either go the futile route and go into her closet and pull out the outfits that you think she can fit into, or you can be smart, and realize that the only thing that is truly going to make you wife even remotely happy, if you can even call it that, is to go out and pick out some clothes that you think she will like.

Now, I don't expect you to be up on women's fashion, so I suggest a few different ways to go about this. You can either, one, listen when your wife points out the new outfits that her friends are wearing, and the stores from which they were purchased. You can, two, ask one of her sisters, or her best friend to help you out by either suggesting a store or taking you to a store that your wife will like. Or three, you can get your wife a gift certificate to the mall so she can purchase clothes for herself while she takes a break and leaves you at home with the baby.

I took door number one. I listened whenever my wife's friends and sisters would talk and paid particular attention when my wife gave me subtle hints as to which outfits she liked or disliked. I kept in mind that my wife's two biggest concerns were comfort and fit, so with that in mind, and my own need to keep these purchases on budget, I went to the mall with nothing but an idea in my head and a single destination.

What's more embarrassing than shopping in a store that only sells women's underwear and lingerie- a store that sells underwear and lingerie to teen aged girls? This new store, an off-shoot of Victoria's Secret is called Pink, and although it was the most intimidating shopping experience I have ever had (other than the time I bought my wife Mac make-up for her birthday), it was the perfect place to find clothing for the woman that had just given birth to my child.

The clothing was fun, youthful, loose-fitting, and above all comfortable (I took my wife's word for it). She was thrilled with everything that I bought for her, and we didn't have to go back there (thank God) to return a single thing. Oh, she went back there on her own, but I didn't have to go, and that's all any man can ask for. I did my duty as a husband, and was rewarded by not having to go back in the store...ever again.

So, if your wife is feeling like she can't find a thing to wear, you can either follow my lead and go to Pink (not Victoria's Secret, if you know what's good for you), or you can try another of my tried and true methods to help your wife find some new outfits and get yourself back to worrying about what really matters... paying for diapers, and formula, and music classes, and college.

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