Hello and welcome to a strange new world. You have traveled far through the desert, only to be met time and again by one empty oasis after another. You are lost and alone, wandering, wondering if someone, anyone, knows how you feel. And just when you think you can't go on, and no one could possibly understand your struggle, a hand reaches out to you, lifts you to your feet, and carries you to the promised land. He feeds you knowledge, shelters you from the self-righteous (and the ridiculous), and provides you with the tools you need to survive in this brave new world. You are a stranger in a strange land, but you are not alone. Let him be your guide. Follow closely as you travel together on this adventure of a lifetime. For now, you are a foreigner to "Fatherhood" but soon YOU will be the master of this realm.

"No Man is Expendable!"

This is Fodder 4 Fathers...


I know I'm gonna take some flack over this one, but here goes....

Remember when you were first dating your wife? Those first few dates when all you could really focus on was what she looked like naked? You know what I'm talking about - those first few dates where she'd flash you some cleavage and about a half inch of her black lace, see-through bra and it drove you nuts with anticipation. She knew what you wanted to see, but she made you work for it: the date planning, the late-night calling, the wooing- it was all part of her master plan. She saw your eyes, even if you weren't even remotely looking at her own, and knew exactly the kind of man you were. There's no legs or thighs in your bucket of chicken- you're a breast man all the way. And there is nothing you enjoyed more than the 'big reveal' of seeing your wife's breasts for the first time... except for seeing your buddy's wife's breasts every time she whips them out to feed her baby!

We're men ladies. We're not mature adults. From the day you started dating our buddy we've been wondering what you've been hiding under your sweater. It's what we were designed to do. Funny thing is, you made him wait three weeks to catch a glimpse of your marvelous mounds of well-formed flesh. All I had to do was bring a gift to the hospital. It's shocking! "Here's your gift" BAM!...free peep show. And I'm talking full breast and 90 % areola (once you get a good angle around that bald baby's head). I don't even think you get to see that much exposed skin at some U.S. strip joints (not that I've ever been).

When do women make this 'switch?' One day you're making your future husband work for a mere glimpse of your mammary glands, then you have a kid and suddenly you're giving free admission to any guy in the food court at the local mall. Oh, you think no one's watching when you whip out that five pound jug of milk, or 'breast' if you prefer, and softly suction (or 'latch') your baby's mouth to it, but you're wrong- dead wrong. Not only is every guy in the room staring at you, but each is having one of only two possible reactions: he's either turned on by it or equally as turned off by it. There's no happy medium. One guy's watching you like he just unscrambled the playboy channel, while the next guy is watching you like you're some African Gorilla on the Nature Channel feeding your baby and flinging green sh@# at the camera. But they're watching. And you're poor husband, "the Protector" in nature, is watching them and their peering eyes, knowing that he got the raw end of the deal.

Hey. I'm not against breast feeding. To the contrary, I'm all for it. I like how it takes even the most modest of modern feminists and turns them into Zulu Warrior women from the pages of National Geographic. If you want to sit in a restaurant with a baby hanging from your breast, I've got no problem with it, as long as you're not my wife, and you don't mind the old-guy sitting next to me, and every other guy in the restaurant, leering at you. We can't help it! Your breasts were designed to feed babies. Our eyes were designed to find breasts that can feed babies. In our modern society, with our laws (both spoken and unspoken), the two kind of work against each other. But, you'll never hear me complaining about it.

Frankly, I'm upset that more women aren't able to breast feed, or for that matter don't want to. No, not so I can stare, but so my wife won't be the only one in the restaurant being leered at. And dude, don't tell me you're "just admiring what a cute baby I have;" I used that on some other dude's wife last week. You're admiring the gi-normousness (not a word) of my wife's breasts, and all I can say is, thank god they won't be recognizable to me, or you, in a year from now. It was just a dream. A large, double-breasted, milk filled dream that had to end (until the birth of my next child at least).

Anyway, whichever way you 'look' at it, breast feeding is a wonderful thing. Every woman should look into giving it a try. Both the Breast Feeding Committee of Canada, The Infant Feeding Action Coalition, and myself (possibly for different reasons though) agree - breast feeding is the way to go. Take my word for it - it's fun for the whole family.

Disclaimer: Although I have made light of the topic above, breast feeding is a serious topic parents need to discuss before the birth of a child. Consult your doctor for more information or check out these links and decide if breast feeding appeals to you... as a couple:





  1. You are a knob head. You want more women to breastfeed, yet you spout shit like this, so any woman who reads it thinks 'well I don't want to breastfeed now.' Even though what you write is bullshit. I have breastfed my three children in lots of places and haven't had men leering at me. And my husband couldn't give a toss. Because no one leers. And even if they did there is nothing to leer at, because I have my shirt covering my breast. Breastfeeding in public is a necessary part of bringing up a baby and women have to be supported, not made to feel like strippers.

  2. True. I am a Knob Head. But the intention wasn't to scare women off of breastfeeding, quite the contrary. It was actually meant to grab a first-time father's attention and keep it long enough to get them to the bottom of the page to read the disclaimer (the one that says this is a serious issue to be discussed with your spouse and your doctor). And, it works. So far, this has been our most popular post. Sure, I took one from the pages of P.T. Barnum, drawing people in with a teaser (ie breasts) but it brought attention to a very serious issue if one can hold back their outrage long enough to get there. As I said, we're men ladies, we need our information spoon fed to us in a more palatable way. Entertain first, then educate. That's our motto. We try our best not to alienate anyone, or make them feel like strippers, but it happens from time to time. Maybe in your hometown the men are genteel enough to mind their manners. Where I come from, not so much. Thanks for your comments.- F4F

  3. I actually laughed. I guess I understood your humor.

  4. I breastfed 3 kids and I liked you post!

  5. I laughed and understood your message, too! I breastfed for 2.5 years and informing families about bfing is part of my business. Although many bfing mothers are proud of breastfeeding, you share a similar concern my husband shared with me about nursing without a cover. Sure we want a pro-bfing world, but we're really not ready for it. Leering is completely subjective, and perhaps "staring out of curiosity" is what's happening. Who cares! Go with your comfort level and what works for you and your family, that's what matters the most. Thanks for sharing! I'm enjoying your posts.

  6. Thanks for the back up! We encourage breast feeding, we just have a different way of exposing new parents to it.

  7. personally..i think we have so many things right now to get our knickers in a twist about....I love the humor and, no, it is so not PC...but what is? thank you for the post...from a former breatfeeding mom who had no idea what to do with her sudden boobie addition.

  8. had to add a bit....thing is, when I was young and dating...my nickname was "the breastless wonder". I think every guy I dated went searching for the elusive boobies. Alas...nuttin. Then I met and married a man who just happened to like booties instead of boobies. Well, I have always had a substantial bootie. A match made in heaven...that is until this one day when I was standing before him, buck naked, following the birth of our first child (who screamed 24/7 and no boob could make him happy) but there I was...all my husband had to do was look at the boobies and down came the milk as though someone had set off a sprinkler system in the World Trade Center. Neither of us knew what to do. We were prepped for the new addition of the baby but not for the "twins". I have yet to read in any book about what i experienced as a breastfeeding mom. So off I go now to write it. thank you for this boobie post.

  9. Thanks for posting that! I'm sure a lot of new moms will relate... and dads too. Good luck with the book and let us know when it's done. I'd be happy to link it to this post which I have a feeling will live on in the world wide web for years to come.

  10. awesome! Absolutely awesome! i have three kids, alas for health reasons couldn't successfully breastfeed though tried! We need to address breastfeeding like this, with an equal measure of humour and seriousness. There are nazi's on both the pro- and anti- feeding in public side, some who think women must must must feed at all costs, some who think all women need to wear a burqa! So bloody good work there I say! Keep it up, and keep blokes informed but with a smile on their dials too!

  11. Found this interesting article to add to theconversation...


    Read the bottom paragraph as it pertains to the importance of Dads when it comes to breastfeeding.

  12. Rotflmao. Love your post. I breast fed my kids and back then (I'm 43 now), it was seriously frowned upon to do so without a cover. It never bothered me one way or the other. But, yep, the stares will happen with or without the cover. Human males are hardwired that way.
    My first husband was ashamed if I breastfed in public WITH a cover. The second one didn't care. However, if I did have to feed our youngest (my 4th and last child was hubby #2's) in public, he always sat right beside me in this protective sort of posture. He also loved to watch me feed her and was very disappointed when an illness required me to stop bf completely. A lot of the views on BF tend to be driven by cultural and social beliefs/practices. I encourage any first time parents to be to explore the option of BF with each other, their doctor and a knowledgeable Lactation specialist. The health benefits to your baby are priceless and well worth researching.
    Meantime, go Dude! Keep up the good work! First time dads need to be reminded that, yep, it's some scary shit, but hey, there are others out there who can give them some pointers.

  13. Love it. I'm currently NAK (nursing at the keyboard) and the poor kid is getting a milk shake from the laughter. I have had more issues with this one than his 3 siblings, but we're trucking through 8.5 months now. WooHoo B@@BS!
    I don't use a cover, much to my husband's sometimes dismay. But after being a walking milk factory for the last 7 years with little off time my give a damn drained out as well along the way. Also, they don't leave the cover over their heads anyway, so why fight them? Some women have great success with covers and good on them. I don't, so I don't use 'em.
    I don't get anything from people looking, but I honestly don't care either. However, if it opens up dialog that I can educate some one about how amazing boobs are I take the opportunity.

  14. Great post! I bf'd both of my kids in public. Being well-endowed in the first place proved to work against when I attempted to cover up. I'm sure I provided a peep show on more than one occasion. Ever try juggling a 10 lb baby and a 30 lb breast on public transportation?

  15. The facts are all true, especially with the men (hehehe). Anyway, if the women get scared of breast feeding because of by mere flashing their boobies on public I think there covers that can be used when breast feeding their babies on public. Also there are some places that have breast feeding area.

    Breast milk are really the best milk for babies so women should not deprived their babies of that milk.

    By the way nice post! Light and witty but very much informative.

  16. Funny post! Thanks for drawing attention to such an important subject. I nursed my youngest son for 2 years (stopped when I became pregnant again) and I'm now nursing my 4 mo. old daughter, who I plan to nurse for 2 years or longer. Breastfeeding increased my size from a C cup to a DD, so you can say my breasts definitely draw attention by themselves. I use cloth diapers as burp cloths and to cover the top portion of my breast while nursing. I just drape it over the top of the breast and aureola without covering my baby's face. I do this so casually it just seems like the baby is sleeping and a lot of men don't even notice I'm nursing. If some do and get a kick out of or are offended by it, that is their deal! I personally don't think there should be a "need" for women to have to cover themselves when nursing in public. Nobody should feel uncomfortable at such a natural sight. Nevertheless, I still cover myself for my husband's sake! He definitely doesn't like the world to see my boobies.

  17. I used to be uncomfortable when I saw women breastfeeding but that was my hang up, not theirs. I'm over it now thanks to many of my friends and family members constantly desensitizing me to sudden breast exposure. I was never able to brastfeed but I definitely would have been the type of mom to cover up. I don't even blame society for my hang up, I'm just modest. I have nice boobs and everyone always wants to look at them. I prefer the lace-bra-peep-show method. Then again, my 4th baby was born at the end of the hottest June in my memory and I was damn near ready to just go everywhere naked by that point. To your first anonymous commenter I would simply like to say: If this article makes a woman uncomfortable BFing in public then she probably already was, and there is nothing wrong with that, either. We all have different comfort levels.

  18. I never even thought of Breastfeeding from a man's point of view. I always knew this was something I wanted to do. Not because my doctor said so, not because the social eye told me not to, but because I feel it is right for me and my children. I wont be able to feed long, that's just not how the women in my family lactate. So naturally I honestly didn't even think of how my husband would feel about it.
    As a child I recall seeing other mothers doing it and thinking it was weird they would just pop everything out like that...then I grew up. Today, out of respect for other parents who may not have educated their children on the workings of breastfeeding, I cover myself so I'm not causing other children to feel uncomfortable around me. Because I know some people simply arent' comfortable with it. I think this post is a wonderful way to encourage women to think about it and make the men in their lives think about it as well.
    Its nice to know there are men out there advocating the benifits of people making their own decisions about this and not letting society decide for them whether this is right or wrong.

  19. You. Are. Brilliant! I have 8 years of breastfeeding experience with 4 kids, and I'm a pediatric nurse and breastfeeding counselor. You are dead on. Fact is, women have been observed for years by men with various degrees of "leerage." Most of us go into breastfeeding with that knowledge, so we cover up, don't care, or both. I was always rather proud of my b@@bs and perfectly willing to preach the many benefits of nursing for both baby and mom, so I didn't let it bother me. I was more bothered by the tut-tutting of the women who observed me breast feeding and decided I was somehow an uneducated earth mother with low self esteem. But if my husband had been uncomfortable or unsupportive of my breastfeeding, I don't know if I could have continued. Dads ARE so important, every second of every day. Make the choice, and the commitment, together!